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Jun. 30th, 2006 @ 12:57 am (no subject)
This summer isn't turning out like I expected.

Aunt Cecelia is sick, really sick, and that is putting things in perspective. I know it sounds like a cliche, but health is a blessing, and I should take it more seriously.

I still feel that need. I really do feel like my career depends on it. But now I'm starting to see that I'm more important than being New York ballet-dancer thin.

I don't really know what else to say. This is a very strange place to be in.
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May. 23rd, 2006 @ 11:41 pm (no subject)
Only three more days left in New York. Two more days of dancing. Then it's off to Stoneybrook for a month.

This is going to be hard.
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Apr. 27th, 2006 @ 11:06 am (no subject)
Oh, I love living in New York. Last night, Quint and Maritza and I went to see The Color Purple. It makes me want to consider acting again. I have a feeling that's going to be happening to me until I actually give it a real chance and see how I like it. The Color Purple is such a moving story. I read the book in 8th grade, but I think I am going to read it again soon. I think it would make more sense to me now that I'm a little bit older.

The year will be over in a month, and then it's back to Stoneybrook until the summer course in early July. I don't really feel like going back. I haven't spoken to any of my friends there in a while. I didn't even tell anyone when I came home for a few days during spring break. What's the point? They end up worried and I end up frustrated.

That month in Stoneybrook is going to be a long one.
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Mar. 12th, 2006 @ 06:54 pm (no subject)
I'm annoyed. Michael and Marian have kept an obnoxiously close watch on me since Mallory's visit. I've noticed that I'm resentful at mealtimes, having to eat in order to save face. That's I began to accept the idea that I may have an eating disorder.

But I don't really care. The other dancers seem to understand. Some of them even give each other tips. There are pro-ana sites all over the web, even, that have even more ideas. But I'm not looking to get any deeper into this than I was before. I don't even care about being thin. I just want to dance.

I haven't spoken to Mallory since. I can't believe she sold me out like that.
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Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 11:50 am (no subject)
It's over! After the last Nutcracker performance on the 30th, we had a cast party and I got to mingle with some of the most incredible dancers ever. It was so exciting. They were all really supportive and one of them actually complimented me. She said that she had been watching me on her off-nights and that I had real potential to make it. She did Dance New York and went to my high school too, and did that apprentice program that I can apply for my junior year. I'm totally inspired now.

School starts again today. I hope this semester will be less crazy. I loved doing the ballet, but I'm ready to focus on school and training for a while. I think I'm going to hit the gym after practice.
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Dec. 20th, 2005 @ 05:09 pm (no subject)
No ballet tonight! And no more school! I finished on the 17th, and don't go back until January 2. I'm at home, commuting back for my performances every few days.

I am exhausted. What a semester--I need this break. I hope I don't gain much weight back over the holidays. Dancer's defeat.

Mama made some eggnog tonight. It was awesome. Tomorrow I'm going to do some Christmas shopping for pretty much everyone but Becca, who is in love with New York City. I found her some "I Heart New York" stuff that I think she'll like. Three whole days of total freedom ahead!
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Dec. 6th, 2005 @ 04:12 am (no subject)
Whew. Today is one of my down days. No performances from Monday until Friday night, which gives me some time to work on school work. My Stoneybrook friends came down for my very first performance. I miss them a lot. My friends here are great, and I have a lot more in common with them, but I still miss the BSC.

Except they're being kind of overbearing right now. I've lost a couple of pounds since they saw me last, since I'm literally working my ass off. Mallory especially freaked out about it. She's worried that I've gone anorexic on her.

It's not like I'm trying to lose weight or something. It just happened, and I'm not sorry. I actually like the way I look when I'm a few pounds heavier than I am now, but ballet dancers are not supposed to be normal weight. And my friends in Stoneybrook don't understand that.
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Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 06:55 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: worried
Whew. I'm exhausted. The week is almost over. I only have practice for three hours on Sunday--practically a long weekend!

Well, not really. But it feels like it when you have places to be most hours of the day, every day of the week. It's not all bad... I haven't had much time to eat. I'm dieting without even trying. The last week or so I've usually only had lunch and a snack for dinner every day, which helped me lose a couple pounds.

I know, I know, I don't look like I have a couple of pounds to lose, but I'm starting to think that everyone is right: you can't be a dancer at 130 lbs. Just losing a couple of pounds I noticed a difference in the height of my jumps. I think it's going to be difficult enough to get cast because I'm black and I already look different. I can't look fatter than everyone else too.
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Oct. 23rd, 2005 @ 10:21 am (no subject)
--Birthdate: June 30, 1991
--Birthplace: New Jersey
--Eye color: black
--Hair color: black
--Height: 5'8"
--Righty or Lefty: righty
--Zodiac Sign: Cancer
--Innie or Outtie: innie

// Ver. 2 - Describe
--Your Heritage: African
--The Shoes You Wore Today: leotard, tights, a hoodie, and a dance skirt
--Your Weakness: pizza and Krispy Kreme
--Your Fears: bad things happening to my family/loved ones
--Your Perfect Pizza: pepperoni with a lot of cheese and a crispy thin crust
--One thing you'd Like to Achieve: I'd like to become a professional ballerina

// Ver.3
--What is your most overused phrase?: "no way"
--Your first thoughts waking up: oh crap, am I late?
--The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: race... I guess it comes with being a minority
--Your best physical features: my legs
--Your bedtime: maybe 10 or so if I'm not still doing homework, I usually have to get up early to go to class
--Greatest Fear: that my ballet career will be over before it starts
--Your Most missed memory: playing with Keisha when we were kids

// Ver.4
--Pepsi or coke? Coke
--McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
--Single or Group Dates: single!
--Adidas or Nike: adidas
--Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
--Cappucino or coffee? cappucino
--Boxers or Briefs: on guys? boxers.

// Ver.5
--Do you smoke?: no
--Cuss?: a little
--Sing Well?: I'm not that good but I'm not that bad
--Do you think you've been in love?: no
--Want to go to college: that's a tough question... I don't know how I could go to college right after high school. Dancers peak too young. But I would like to eventually.
--Like High School?: so far, but my high school experience is definitley not normal!
--Want to get married?: yes
--Type with fingers on the right keys: yeah
--get motion sickness: no
--Think you're attractive: yes (yay self esteem)
--Think you're a health freak: definitely not
--Get along with parents: yep
--Like Thunderstorms: if I'm with someone

// Ver.6 - in the past month, did/have you:
--Consumed Alchohol: no
--Have Sex: no
--Made Out: no
--Gone On Date: no
--Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
--Eaten Sushi: yes
--Gone Skating: no
--Made Homemade cookies: no
--Been in love? no
--Gone Skinny Dipping: haha, no
--Dyed your hair: no
--Stolen Anything: no

// Ver.7
--Age you hope to be married?: 25
--Numbers and Names of Children?: I'd like two girls... I like the name Alexandra.
--Describe your dream wedding: maybe 100 people, with all my family and my friends, old and new
--How do you want to die?: what a question. I think i'll skip this one.
--Where do you want to go to college: NYU
--What do you want to be when you grow up?: a ballerina, and then I'm not sure... a dance teacher?
--most like to visit?: Paris

// Ver. 8 Last...
--Person You Called: Mama and Daddy
--Person Who Called you: Becca
--Person You IMed: Mal
--Person Who IMed you: Mal
--Vacation (Where'd You Go): New Jersey
--Make Out Session: I don't know if I've ever really had a genuine make-out session
--True Love: dance
--Time You Felt Wanted: when I left for ASB
--Person You Slept With: slept in a bed with... Becca
--Time You Were Asked on a Date: I dunno, maybe last year
--Hug: my aunt
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Oct. 21st, 2005 @ 10:11 am (no subject)
This was definitely a good switch for me. I still practice six days a week, but now that I'm going to the Professional Performing Arts School I get sleep sometimes. There's only one problem I have with this place--nobody eats a damn thing. I'm 5'8" and I weight 130 pounds. That's fat here. I've already had a couple of the girls tell me that there's no way I can be a professional ballerina when I'm over 110. If I take twenty pounds off, it would probably have to come out of my brain. And I'd look like a lollipop--a giant head on top of a stick for a body. It's no secret that dancers are prone to anorexia and bulimia, so they take extra care here to inform us about it, but that isn't stopping anyone--including the instructors--from offering up advice on how to lose weight. I just hope I don't get sucked in. I'm not going to let myself.
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Sep. 12th, 2005 @ 10:11 am (no subject)
My first day was GREAT. I was a little bit afraid that I wouldn't hit it off with anyone or that the program would be a bad fit for me, but it's awesome. And I love living with my aunt and uncle.

Today a few of us went to a coffee shop after practice. We saw Julia Stiles getting a drink while we were there. New York City is amazing. My family is coming up on Sunday, the only day I don't have practice. I told them they didn't have to, but I think they miss me. I don't miss them like that yet, but it will still be nice to see them, especially Becca. She's starting to grow up now, and just like me when I was her age, she feels like Mama and Daddy treat her like a little kid. I want to be there for her.
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Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 10:10 am Timeline
Timeline

7th Grade:
Before the school year she quits the BSC to practice with an intense ballet program in Stanford

8th Grade:
Reauditions for the Dance New York program in New York City
Accepted into the DNY on scholarship
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